Congregation Unitarian Universalist
Trust
En Español
Lighting the Chalice:
To rediscover the wondrous gift of free religious community;
To renew our faith in the holiness, goodness, and beauty of life;
To reaffirm the way of the open mind and full heart;
To rekindle the flame of memory and hope; and
To reclaim the vision of earth made fair, with all her people one.
* Hymn: We Have the Whole World in Our Hands
Prayer: ( followed by a moment of silent meditation)
Joys and Concerns: : (We throw a small stone into this bowl filled with water, to symbolize our thoughts, which move in circular rings eternally, like concentric waves.)
Story for All Ages: (the children go to Religious Education at the end of the story and the adults sing "Spirit of Life" )
Hymn:: First Reading: .How can we Trust when all is Risk?
To laugh is to trust that our friends will not think we appear foolish.
To weep is to trust that we do not seem sentimental
To reach out for another is to trust we may expose our true selves.
To place our dreams -our ideas-before others requires trust.
To love is to trust that we will be loved in return.
To hope is to trust in the future.
To try is to trust that we will not fail.
* Hymn:
* Second Reading: Change Alone is Unchanging
If you want to know about the world, you must learn about its details
Knowledge is not intelligence.
In searching for the truth be ready for the unexpected,
Change alone is unchanging.
The same road toward Trust goes both up and down.
The beginning of the circle of trust is also its end.
Not I, but the world says that trust must be built over time
And yet there comes a time when you can not build,
A time when you can only trust in the kindness of strangers.
* Closing circle of hands: (Holding hands or link arms as you read the closing words together)
May the blessings of truth be upon us
Las bendiciones de la verdad sean sobre nosotros
The power of love direct and sustain us
Que el poder del amor nos dirija y dé sostén
And may the peace of this community
Y que la paz de esta comunidad
Preserve our going out and our coming in
Proteja nuestra salida y entrada
From this time forth until we meet again
Desde este momento hasta que nos reunamos nuevamente.
*Hymn:
Discussion: Trust
Why do people have trouble developing trust in others?
What can we do in order to develop trust, improve trust building?
Trust is a Precious Commodity and we must Treasure It. It takes years to develop trust. However, it can be destroyed by a single self-centered act?
What is Trust?
Trust is:
What behavioral traits do people need in order to develop trust?
Hope in the goodness of mankind: People can become emotionally stuck, reclusive, and isolated. Hope in goodness is a change based on the willingness to take a risk that all people are not evil, bad, or ill-willed.
Faith in the fairness of life: Fairness is similar to the ``boomerang belief,'' what you throw out to others will come back to you eventually in life. So if people are fair, honest, or nurturing they will eventually receive similar behavior aimed back at them. Having faith in fairness is an attitude that helps people be open to others and risk being vulnerable.
A healing environment: Trust in others in your personal life where blaming, accusing, and acrimony do not exist. People actively use forgiveness, understanding, and healthy communication to resolve problems and issues. They are then willing to forget, to let go, and to release themselves of the past hurts, wounds, and pain, opening themselves to trust one another.
Reduction of a sense of competition: This reducing of competition, jealousy, and defensiveness with significant others in your life is a way to reduce the barriers between you and them. The lowering of these psychological barriers is essential to the movement toward development of mutual trust.
Taking a risk to be open to others: This enables you to become a real person to others. It is an essential behavior in trust-building between two people because it is the establishing of the parameters of strengths and weaknesses on which you have to draw as the relationship develops.
Becoming vulnerable: This enables you to be hurt by others who know your weaknesses and strengths. This is an essential step in trust-building between people.
Letting go of fear: Fear restricts your actions with others. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of caring, fear of success, fear of being hurt, fear of the unknown, and fear of intimacy are blocks to the development of trusting friendships
Self-acceptance: Accepting who you are and what your potential is an important step in letting down your guard enough to develop a trusting relationship with others. If you are so insecure in your identity that you are unable to accept yourself first, how can you achieve the self-revelation necessary to develop trust? Self-acceptance through an active program of self-affirmation and self-love is a key to the development of trust.
What steps can be taken to improve trust building?
1. Trust is a Precious Commodity and we must Treasure It. It takes years to develop trust. However, it can be destroyed by a single self-centered act. . Conclusion:
Opening Words:
Trust is like any intensive agricultural crop. It must be carefully sown on fertile soil, fiercely defended against the vagaries of climate and pests, and appropriately harvested, making sure to separate the chaff from the grain, keeping the grain and burning the chaff. It does not do to throw a seed behind our backs as if it were a pinch of salt, and embrace the wishful thought that luck will favor us. Trust must be built, slowly, over time.
We come to this time and this place
Beautiful the custom which brings us together this morning. We come at this time and to this place to rediscover the wondrous gift of free religious community. From the fragmented world of our everyday lives we gather together in search of wholeness. Here may we find and share strength and common purpose as we turn our mind and hearts toward one another seeking to bring into our circle of concern all who need our love and support: those who are ill, those who are in pain, either in body or in spirit, those who are lonely, those who have been wronged. We are part of the web of life that makes us one with all humanity, one with all the universe. With humility, with awareness of the existence of life, and of the sufferings that are going on around us, let us practice the establishment of peace in our hearts and on earth. May the Love which overcomes all differences,
which heals all wounds,
which puts to flight all fears,
which reconciles all who are separated,
be in us and among us now and always. Let us pray
We invite you to share your joys and concerns since our last meeting
# 123 (STLT)
"Spirit of Life" by Carolyn McDade (adapted)
Spirit of Life, come unto us,
Sing in our hearts all the stirrings of compassion.
Blow in the wind, rise in the sea;
Move in our hands, giving life the shape of justice.
Roots hold us close; wings set us free;
Spirit of Life, come to us, come to me.
Go now in Peace
Go now in Peace, Go now in Peace,
May the Love of God surround you
Everywhere, everywhere, You may go
Letting others know your feelings, emotions and reactions, and having trust in them to respect confidences. An inner sense of acceptance.
Sharing your inner feelings and thoughts, especially about oneself with the belief that they will not spread them indiscriminately.
Placing confidence in others so that they will be supportive, even if you let down your "strong'' mask and show your weaknesses.
Assuming that others will not intentionally hurt, abuse or ostracize you if you should make an error or a mistake.
The sense that things are fine; that nothing can disrupt the bond between you and another.
The ability to let others into your life so that you and they can create a relationship built on an understanding of mutual respect, caring, and concern to assist one another in growing and maturing independently.
The glue or cement of relationships that allows you to need others to fulfill yourself.
. The act of placing yourself in the vulnerable position of relying on others to treat you in a fair, open, and honest way.
Why do people have trouble developing trust in others?
Experienced a great deal of emotional and/or physical abuse and/or neglect. Been put down for the way they feel or for what they believe.
Been emotionally hurt in the past and are not willing to risk getting hurt in the future. Had problem relationships in the past where they were belittled, misunderstood, or ignored.
Experienced the loss of a loved one through death. They can get so caught up in unresolved grief that they are unable to open themselves up to others, fearing they will be left alone again due to death, or, abandonment.
Experienced a hostile or bitter divorce, separation, or end of a relationship. They may be unable to believe anyone who opens up to them in a new, committed relationship.
Been reared in or have lived in an environment emotionally and/or physically unpredictable and volatile.
Experienced a great deal of pain at the hands of another. Even if the other finally recognizes and accepts the responsibility to change such behavior, the person fears that if they let their guard down, the pain and hurt will begin again.
Low self-esteem, cannot believe that they are deserving of attention, care, and concern of anyone. They have problems even trusting the positive, healthy, and reinforcing behavior of another who is sincere.
Experienced a great deal of non-provoked victimization in their lives. They are unwilling to trust people, situations, or institutions for fear of being victimized again.
2. When we do something to violate the Trust that others have in us we must seek to restore it.
Trust can only be restored by complete honesty.
3. Trust must be earned it is not simply granted.
Often those who are trying to rebuild trust that they have somehow destroyed will simply demand, "you just need to trust me!" The truth is, "You need to prove that you can be trusted
It takes longer to rebuild trust then it does to establish trust for the very first time.
We generally assume that people are trustworthy.
When you start dating someone and getting serious, you assume that the other person will be faithful to that relationship.
When you hire an employee you generally assume that they will not be robbing you blind.
And everything is fine, until you find that person is untrustworthy. And then everything changes.
. It takes longer to rebuild trust then establish trust for the first time.
2. A trust that is broken will always become messier than you planned.
Acts: 15:36-39…they had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company.
A. When John Mark left them I am sure that he had no idea that it would cause a rift between Paul and Barnabas but it did.
B. I have seen many an unfaithful moment of a pastor cause a split in the church because some want to keep him in spite of the unfaithfulness and others want to get rid of him.
C. I have seen many a parent fight over the untrustworthiness of their child.
D. Any act of untrustworthiness will be messier than you think including those times when I am unfaithful to God.
3. If I have broken a trust, I usually demand that trust be reestablished but it can only be earned.
2 Timothy 4:11- Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry.
A. If I am the one who have broken your trust, I will usually say something like this, "I am so sorry. I did not mean it. Please give me a second chance."
What are some beliefs of people who have problems trusting?
Trust is such a precious thing and we must learn to treasure it.