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Congregation Unitarian Universalist
The Celebration of Marriage
En Español
Writing your own Wedding Service
—A. Powell Davies
The Unity Candle is a relatively recent addition to the traditional wedding ceremony, most popular in the United States.
In addition to the Marriage Ceremony there are other times when these readings and vows may be used.
Handfasting wedding or engagement
ceremonies is a Celtic wedding ritual. This involves the tying of hands together to symbolize the coming together and
remaining tied together. One possible wedding vow during the handfasting is this example:
Pagan wedding ceremonies, often called 'handfastings,' are a good option for couples who wish to celebrate the spirituality of their union without getting involved in the a religious debate especially if it is an interfaith couple. Paganism is a religion that celebrates the holiness of nature. Worshipers do not follow a formal doctrine, and although committed Pagans gather to worship together the religion for many is more about an attitude to spirituality and reverence for Mother Earth and the interconnected world all living beings share.
An Earth Centered or Pagan ceremony is fairly easy to organize. Couples can choose readings and vows and work with the celebrant on how to conduct the ceremony. Some couples will invoke the blessing of the God and Goddess, which are acknowledged to come in thousands of forms. The couple light a candle to honor the gods and signify the beginning of their new life. The couple may further invoke the blessings of the spirits by saying 'blessed be'. The celebrant will then conduct the handfasting ritual, asking the couple to join hands and wrapping the joined hands in a strip of red cloth. Gay couples may choose to have a rainbow hand fasting, using gay accessories of strips of red, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple cloth to represent the chakras and their sexuality. The couple then exchange vows, asking the sky and earth to bestow the union with their elements.
Couples who are interested in traditional paganism may choose to include a broom, to sweep away past hurts, and a chalice of wine, to represent their combined spirits. The expression Tie The Knot comes from the Handfasting Ceremony where a cord, usually red, was tied around the couple's hands.
Some couples have found these books helpful. Most are available from your local library or bookstore.
With These Vows, I Thee Wed: Contemporary Vows for Today's Couples by Barbara Eklof
Wedding Poems and Quotations edited by Rosemary Fox
Words for Your Wedding: The Wedding Service Book
Interfaith Wedding Ceremonies: Samples and Sources by Joan Hawxhurst
Wedding Vows: How to Express Your Love in Your Own Words by Peg Kehret
I Do: A Guide to Creating Your Own Unique Ceremony by Sydney Barbara Metrick
Wedding Readings: Centuries of Writing and Rituals for Love and Marriage by Eleanor C. Munro
Write Your Own Wedding by Brill, Halpin, and Genne
To the Brides and Grooms:
First let us suggest that you read and discuss a few questions that other couples have mentioned as important when you are planning to spend your life together. Some I am sure you have already discussed, others may not have occured to you yet.
Next we invite you to create your own wedding. Planning the celebration can be a rich experience that you will cherish
throughout the years of your marriage. Unitarian Universalist Ministers stand on the side of love and will work with all couples regardless of sexual orientation.
Not many people are prepared to start with a blank page and write a marriage ceremony or even select the music. Our collection is to help you do it. But the collection is a tool, nothing more. Use it if it is helpful. Most of the material has been edited and adapted. All have been edited for gender inclusiveness. You are free to further edit and adapt. Edit rewrite, take part of one item and link it to another, omit sections, etc. Write any of it that you wish, I encourage you in particular to write your own marriage and ring vows. In other words, make it uniquely yours.
There are eleven sections in our book with alternate selections (e.g. Readings 1-A, 1-B, 1-C, etc.) in each section. There is nothing sacred about the order (1 and 2 are often reversed), nor do all sections have to be used. The sections are:
1. Readings
2. Greeting and Welcome to Wedding Guests
3. Homily to the Bride and Groom
4. Prayer or Meditation
5. Presentation of the Parents ( for younger couples)
At a minimum you could just go through and pick out one from each section and you have a marriage ceremony. But you
may want to honor things from your religious traditions particularly if yours is an interfaith marriage or include a favorite
poem. If you are looking for a particular value you wish to have in the service and are unable to find it, get back to us and we
will either find it or write it. If you have written or know of a complete service that you wish to use, that is fine too.
, a section 13 which gives a variety of unity candle services.
The unity candle ceremony uses two taper candles with a large pillar candle (called the "unity candle") in the center.
At the beginning of the wedding ceremony, a representative from each family (usually the mothers or children of the bride and groom)
light the two taper candles.Used for weddings with children from previous union Later in the ceremony (usually after the formal vows), the bride and groom use the two taper candles
to light the large pillar (unity) candle together. It is most often performed in interfaith and secular weddings or in weddings with
children from previous unions.
Finally there is a section with the Water Blessing .
There is also a section 12 that offers a variety of Wine Cup and Chalice Ceremonies,
1. Readings:
When two individuals meet, so do two private worlds. None of our private worlds is large enough for us to live a wholesome life in it alone. We need the wider world of joy and wonder, of purpose and venture, of toil and tears. What are we, any of us, but strangers and sojourners forlornly wandering through the nighttime until we draw together and find the meaning of our lives in one another, dissolving our fears in each other’s courage, making music together, and lighting torches to guide us through the dark. We belong together. Love is what we need. To love and to be loved. Let our hearts be open; and what we would receive from others, let us give. For that which is given still remains to bless the giver—when the gift is love.
2. Greeting and Welcome to Wedding Guests
3. Homily to the Bride and Groom
4. Prayer or Meditation
5. Parents Presentation ( for younger couples)
6. Introduction to the Marriage Vows
7. Marriage Vows
8. Introduction to Ring Vows
9. Ring Vows
10. Pronouncement
11. Benediction
"As this knot is tied, so are your lives now bound. Woven into this cord, into its very
fibers, are all the hopes of your friends and family, and of yourselves, for your new life
together. With the entwining of this knot do I tie all the desires, dreams, love, and
happiness wished here in this place to your lives for as long as love shall last.
In the joining of hands and the fashion of a knot, so are your lives now bound, one to
another. By this cord you are thus bound to your vow. May this knot remain tied for as
long as love shall last. May this cord draw your hands together in love, never to be
used in anger. May the vows you have spoken never grow bitter in your mouth.
Two entwined in love, bound by commitment and fear, sadness and joy, by hardship
and victory, anger and reconciliation, all of which brings strength to this union. Hold
tight to one another through both good times and bad, and watch as your strength
grows. Remember that it is not this physical cord, but what it represents, that keeps
you together."
