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Index to poems and readings for the 15 other parts of Wedding Ceremonies
The unity candle ceremony uses two taper candles with a large pillar candle (called the "unity candle") in the center. At the
beginning of the wedding ceremony a representative from each family (usually the mothers or children of the bride and groom)
light the two taper candles. Later in the ceremony (usually after the formal vows), the bride and groom use the two taper
candles to light the large pillar (unity) candle together. It is most often performed in interfaith and secular weddings or in
weddings with children from previous unions. If you are creating a new family you may want to include
the children in the lighting of the Unity Candle. This may be done by having the bride and groom light the candle for the children
and then everyone lighting the center candle together. This is an excellent way to involve children from a previous marriage.
For weddings Out-of-Doors on a beach, a boat or ship, even on a Glacier in Alaska the Wedding Sand Ceremony also known
as the Unity Sand Ceremony may be more appropriate. Reading D may be adapted for this purpose. Also
Reading D from the Bendiction section has been used.
It eliminates the frustration of keeping candles lit where a breeze may blow. The glass bottle makes a nice keepsake and
Parents, Mothers or children can add sand from a favorite destination including their own sandbox. Some couples continue to add sand at each Anniversary.
Lighting a Unity Candle is a recent practice which quickly became a tradition because of its obvious symbolism. There are many variations on the theme, some involving parents or children as well as the bride and groom. Depending on the type of service, the Unity Candle may be located on the table with the other candles being used in the ceremony or on a separate table. Here are some examples, but vary them or use your imagination to create the symbol most appropriate for your wedding.
-A
At the beginning of the ceremony -or following the Parent's Presentation if all parents are involved in that, (as in 5-A, B , or C)
-the parents come forward and light two candles, one on either side of the Unity Candle. After the marriage and ring vows, but before the pronouncement, the minister says:
In your marriage you draw upon the traditions of your two families that you bring to your marriage. As you come together you create a new home and a new family, born from the light that each of you brings to it. What you have created is new, but it is rooted in the families from which you have come. May your lives always be enriched by the family heritage each of you brings to your marriage. Use these candles, symbols of your family traditions, to create the single flame, symbol of the new family which you create today.
The bride and groom take the candles which their parents have lighted and together light the Unity Candle.
-B
At the beginning of the service the bride and groom are each given a lighted candle -they may already be lighted and on a table or altar, or they may be given to them and lighted by the minister. The minister says:
You have come before us to be united in marriage. As from these separate flames there comes one light, growing from two, you bring your separate selves to create your new life together.
Together the bride and groom light the Unity Candle from their separate candles.
-C
If the new family involves children as well as the bride and groom consider inclusiveness. The Unity Candle may be lighted before the service begins or lighted during the service as in 13-A or B (above). Then, just before the pronouncement the minister says:
and , together you are blessed by the presence of (Child or children's names) whom you bring to this family. Your joining in marriage is an equal joining for (him/her/them) into a new family of which you all are a part.
The bride and groom together light candles from The Unity Candle. The minister says:
Your candles lighted from this symbol of your marriage, spread light and warmth to your children, now part of the family you have created. and , please join the flames of your candles so that your children, (Names of child or children) may light their candles from yours.
Each child lights a candle All the candles are then placed on the table beside the Unity Candle.
-D
Unity Candle Ceremony - Bride, Groom and Mothers
Minister: (Using the mother's first names) _______ and _______, mothers of the Bride and Groom, will now come forward to light the taper candles for the Unity Candle Ceremony. The two individual flames, one representing each family, will demonstrate to us - in a very beautiful and inclusiveness way - the symbol of two who become one as well as the faith, wisdom, and love that _______ and _______ have received from their parents.
Through the love your paths have come together, and in this symbolic ceremony, you will each take a lighted candle,
representing your previous separate pathways, and together you will light the Unity candle, symbolizing your willingness to
walk life's pathways together as one.
You may now proceed in the lighting of the candle.
Bride, Groom light the Unity Candle
Minister: By allowing the flame of the two taper candles to remain lit, they also accept the individuality of each other as a
means to fulfilling their commitment to one another. May the Spirit of Life bless this marriage. So be it.
-E Candle Ceremony
Living in a committed relationship changes us. We become more than we were before. We do not cease to be individuals, leading individual lives; but something new is created. It is not that we become one thing and are no longer two people. Rather it is that a new life, a life between us, begins to exist and grow as our relationship grows.
I invite _______ and _______, as representatives of _______'s and _______'s separate lives, to light two flames, from which _______ and _______ will light a common candle as a sign of the new life this union today creates.
-F
Unity Candle Ceremony - Bride, Groom and Children
You will observe that there are _______ candles on the Unity table. Through the love your paths have come together,
and in this symbolic ceremony, you will each take a lighted candle, representing your previous separate pathways, and
together you will light the Unity candle, symbolizing your willingness to walk life's pathways together as one family.
_______ (# of Children) children will share in this marriage.
Minister to the Children: _______ and _______ will you please come forward.
Minister: The gathering of this new family will have a deep influence upon the children. We realize that in order for the home to be a happy one, it is essential that there be love and understanding between the children and the adults being married.
Minister to Bride and Groom: _______ and _______, is your love for each other broad enough to include _______ and _______ and deep enough to honor their presence in this marriage and to pledge yourselves to love and care for them?
Bride and Groom: We will.
Minister to the Groom (or Bride): _______, please light the taper candles for the children.
Minister: You may all now proceed in the lighting of the Unity candle.
Bride, Groom and children all light the Unity Candle.
Minister: May the Spirit of life bless you all as family, and bless this marriage and this home, wherever you may be. So be it.
Our view of marriage
As in all religious traditions, Unitarian Universalists celebrate the joining of two lives with vows and symbols. In form these ceremonies are similar to many weddings in other religious traditions that they might include prayers and the singing of hymns - some of the language used would remind the first-time observer of traditional occasions across the lines of denominational practice. But Unitarian Universalist weddings are different in several important ways.
A personal choice
First, Unitarian Universalists do not view vows of marriage as a sacrament. This word, which really springs from the Latin for "holy act" is seen by orthodox churches as being "an earthly and visible sign of a spiritual reality". In the case of most Christian ceremonies, this means that the joining of two people is something that is "ordained by God" but enacted on earth. Thus the sacramental act of marriage is dependent upon certain theological beliefs for its existence.
Unitarian Universalists, in contrast, emphasize that the decision to marry is made by two individuals in relation to their communities and their own spiritual visions, rather than as an act of obedience and conformity to particular religious codes.
Adding the spiritual dimension
Based on our long history of relying more upon reason and conscience rather than holy books, the rite of marriage in a Unitarian Universalist place of worship has more to do with the desire of people to add a spiritual dimension to their freely chosen act - rather than to receive endorsement in accordance with a particular tradition's view of God. Because of this, Unitarian Universalist ministers and worship leaders encourage the participants to examine their own motives and to seek their own ways of making a "holy act". Couples are helped in deciding the form of language used in the ceremony
On first contact with a Unitarian Universalist minister or lay leader, many people are surprised to discover that there are no tests or "right answers" to be produced. Often people coming to interview who have been divorced, or who come from varying religious backgrounds (Anglican and Jewish, for example), may be anxious that they will either be turned away or will have to agree with certain tenets or creeds. To the contrary, most Unitarian Universalist worship leaders will only wish to assure themselves that the couple have thought seriously about their desire to be married, and that they wish to celebrate it in a spiritual context. Because we believe in the right of each person to seek her or his own spiritual reality, there are no "right answers" at all.
Elements of the service
Couples will discover that the minister wishes for guidance from them as to appropriate language, readings, music and vows. These may come from many religious traditions, or from none. A Unitarian Universalist wedding might include words from the Koran or the Bible, with readings from Walt Whitman or Rabindranath Tagore. In some countries there are no set words which must by law be used; in England and Wales there are two short sentences which are legally required for a valid marriage ceremony. All other elements within reason are open to discussion. If the couple do not wish to take a major role in designing the service, the minister, with the couple's permission, is able to do so. In general, weddings are arranged in good time to allow participants to consider what they wish to include, from prayers and solo vocalists to kissing the bride.
The Unity Candle
(Bride) and (Groom) you lives are now joined in the most sacred and joyous of unions. We pray that your life be blessed. In the immortal words of the poet mystic William Blake, together may you...
See a world in a grain of sand
And heaven in a wild flower
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour.
